Dear Puppy Milton,
Boy oh boy do I have some exciting news to share with you today!!!
Oh my my my my, you are NOT going to believe this one...
I heard. (giggles) I'm so shy.
I heard through the grapevine...THAT...
Are you readyyy?
I heard that mommy is bringing over a boy cavalier for us to play with!!!
He might even be allowed to sleep over for the entire week!!! Oh-My-God
Siiiigh. This is too much for my little cavalier heart to handle.
This is NOT just any random boy dog, do you understand that dear Puppy Milton?
Apparently he has long, dark, luscious black hair.
He’s a tricolour.
He's tall, athletic, and has the most mysterious eyes
His name is Romeo. Yes. Romeo, like the great Shakesperian lover.
It's so perfect.
I think he might even be a poet!!
O Romeo, Romeo where are thou Romeo.
OK listen to me carefully dear puppy Milton.
I'm going to need you to be on your BEST behavior in the upcoming days OK??
You know I don't ask much from you and
I really do let you get away with alot of things.
But for the sake of your beloved older sister
PLEASE please... PLEASE do NOT embarass me in the upcoming days ok?!!
I need you to subtlely let Romeo know how sweet and delicate I am as a girl.
How caring, gentle and lady like I am.
I'm a charming queen and Romeo needs to know this.
By all means, don't you ever DARE mention that I frequently fart after eating my suppers.
I don't fart. I don't burp. I don't stink, I don't any of that OK??
Romeo doesn’t look like a homeless, unlike our step sisters.
He’s fancy. He has a giant luxury memory foam bed.
It’s a special edition navy collection.
And I heard he’s a vegetarian, too! Such a hipster.
We have to be nice to Romeo and make him feel welcome. Let’s not steal his food nor his bed. Ok? Dear Puppy Milton?
Or else, he may never come here again. And I certainly wouldn’t want that.
Let’s share our toys and our food with him. I’m even gonna give him a matching hoodie, so he feels like he’s part of our pack.
Siiiigh. This is so exciting. I feel like he’s going to be love of my life. Oh Romeo, oh so charming.
Oh wait. Is that drool? Is he drooling? K never mind.
Boys are gross. (laughs) Forget everything I said, Dear Puppy Milton. Yuck.
Dear puppy Milton,
Today, I'm going share you in on an absolulte life devotion of mine.
Please brace yourself, because the fun involved with this activity is so exhilarating,
It is so thrilling that it will intoxicate your body,
and leave your snout shaking in an invegorating frenzy.
The activity hereby mentioned is called: The Joy of Cone Eating (!)
I mean, I know it's not a cone per say. Obviously. I am not stupid.
We all know that this is in a fact a cylindrical formed object.
I did in fact pass my grade 3 geometry class with flying colors.
It's just that I prefer to call it a cone. It has a nice ring to it.
Don't you find?
It's sounds so short and sweet.
It arouses your senses of fresh, clean, natural air. Like pine cones.
When the humans blow in them, it makes magical whale sounds.
It's pleasing to the ear. Arouses your nose with the perfumed fragrance of happiness.
It tickles your innocence with pure wholesome enjoyment.
I love cones. So much. Oh so much.
I like short cones, long cones, dark cones. I love them all. I love to lick them, nibble on them, chew them. I like it all.
I do find however, that you repeat the word too much, it starts to lose it's meaning.
Cone. Connnne. Cone. Cone?
hihi, ooooohhh precious cones.
Let me teach you about the different specifications of cones though.
Because even though they might slightly resemble each other in shape and size.
Every cone is different.
You can start with the Beginner's cone, Dear puppy Milton.
This short sized cone measures about 4 inches in length with a diameter of 2 inches.
These are commonly found hidden inside toilet paper rolls labeled Charmin, Cottonnelle, or Scott Naturals
on it. These humans, they do the oddest things.
I never understood why they would hide these sweet, delicious cones inside toilet paper.
Do they seriously think that we'd never find out?
Silly silly oomans. They are so dull-witted sometimes.
Next, you will find the longer sized, Bounty paper cones.
These cones are for moderate enthusiasts. They also are of 2inches diameter,
with a circomference of 5 inches, but get this.
Their length can reach up to TWELVE inches!
That is literally THREE times the size of a beginner's cone!
You know what they say? 3 times the size, 3 times the exhiliration.
Lastly, you will discover the ultimate rare cone.
These thick, compact cones are find hidden, wrapped deep in the center of paper made out of metal!
The oomans call it - "A LU MI-NUM". I know, it's straight out of a science fiction movie.
It's outstanding and unsurpassed.
I think they hide it in this A-LU-MINUM chemical compound because they are selfish.
Luckily for you, dear puppy Milton. I have defyed all odds and has succeeded on
putting my paws on not one, but TWO of these treasured cones.
I see you are already quite skillful at the art of Cone Shredding already.
It must run in your blood.
Some other dogs just don’t have it in them.
Legend has it that our dog-dad was quite the Cone Shredder himself.
So let us rejoice in this magnificent pleasure of cone shredding, dear puppy Milton.
It is a joy that is undescripable. An eccstacy like none other, but I don't need to tell you that.
You seem to have this love of cones inbreded in you already.
I am so proud of you, dear Puppy Milton.
Your big sister Herky